From the Vault: March '23 Streaming

MIA Male Heartthrobs, Colin Farrell, John C. Reilly, Video Game Adaptations, and Michelle Yeoh (Encore)

They’ll never take you from me (Hayden Christensen’s best performance as pathological liar / New Republic writer Stephen Glass, in forgotten indie classic Shattered Glass (2003))

March 3, 2023

Welcome back! Here is March streaming.

Tiocfaidh ár lá and a Happy Saint Patrick's Day to my Irish readers of the Spread. How's she cuttin'? It's a good time to love both the movies and possess Celtic pride, given that we're in a micro moment of Irish visibility this Awards Season, which is finally coming to a close with the 95th annual Academy Awards on March 12th. We're almost done! Reflecting that, this month is admittedly a bit actor-heavy, aligning with Hollywood's Biggest Night. Whoops! We're actually honoring two icons from different parts of the Irish diaspora for our Actor's Showcase this month (co-stars on the 2015 film The Lobster), as well as diving into the filmographies of Hollywood's hottest young stars across time: the good, the bad, and the connected (not mutually exclusive). PLUS: Do you guys like video games? Let's crack on, then:

Will You Still Love Me When I'm No Longer Young and Beautiful: Rehabilitating our Lost Male Heartthrobs

We’ve sent our best and brightest (Skeet Ulrich) to the trenches of entertainment (Riverdale); once upon a time, we let him star in movies, like Wes Craven’s Scream (1996)

There are so many things that I'm deeply passionate about, almost to the point of obsession: film preservation, social justice, economic equality, prison abolition, and the fight against global climate change, to name a few; things I would be willing to devote whatever meager time and resources I can spare for the short duration of my life on this planet, while it still exists. But if there ever was something I would ever be uniquely qualified to run a telethon for, it would be what I'm dubbing the Male Heartthrob Recovery Project: a campaign of awareness meant to shed light on the former hunks over the years whom we have so carelessly cast aside. Much is made of the disposability with which Hollywood treats young actresses, who get pushed into countless projects in their 20s only to hit a wall in their 30s, once Hollywood deems them "old" and thus undesirable. And that's definitely a serious, systemic issue. But what of the forgotten hunks? The era stars that brought us so much joy, from the pages of J14, Tiger Beat, and Seventeen magazine, only to be lost to the sands of time once they lost their baby fat (or their buzzy family television drama)? Who will stand up for them? Who will ensure their contributions are not forgotten? For every Leonardo DiCaprio success story there are hundreds of buzzy hunks who were pushed through to the zeitgeist, beloved fiercely, then cruelly thrown away like old rag dolls once their moment was over. I, however, am not so cruel, and hold all of these young men deep in my heart, where I will never forget them or the joy they brought me in looking so very pretty (sometimes even accompanied by passable to solid acting skills). It's with this generous spirit that I am opening my doors to the Home of Forgotten Heartthrobs and gathering all my favorites for a retrospective on their bumpy-to-ok careers. Teen idols, teeny boppers, sitcom stars, young method actors who burned bright and too fast, or maybe just young talents who never really got a chance to show what they could do before being passed over or written off (or, quite frankly, swallowed up and spit out by the machine of Hollywood); their work (and their kilowatt smiles) passed over to memorialize real, accomplished stars. Like a harried and cynical casting agent, I poured through pages and pages of past hunks, selecting my very favorites for retrospection, weeding out the total messes (aka the Scott Baio / Kirk Cameron / Ricky Schroder set: those whose well-deserved obscurity has pathetically led them down paths of hatred) and zeroing in on those with something worth acknowledging and/or salvaging.* That means: Jesse Metcalf AND Jesse Bradford (I axed Jesse McCartney for being boring, but did you know that the young actor/singer wrote Bleeding Love and gave it to Leona Lewis?); a discussion on the five primary safe havens that exist(ed) for former hunks: Gossip Girl (2007), Pretty Little Liars (2010), Riverdale (2017), The Boys (2019), and White Lotus (2021); and the 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) actor that went on to start his own cult religion, dubbed "Full Circle." And, of course, a love letter to my beloved Hayden Christensen, whose phenomenal work as a pathological liar with a likability problem in Shattered Glass (2003) remains underseen and underloved, despite being one of the best independent films of the decade. Just call me Sarah McLachlan because I'm telling you: right now, there's a former hunk that needs you. Make the call, won't you?

Millennial women when you try to say that Hayden Christensen can’t act, even though Shattered Glass (2003), a perfect performance, is right there, ready to watch at a moment’s notice.

*I really did try to keep this as not-dark as possible, but unfortunately, when dealing with show business, it's just not... entirely possible to weed everyone and everything problematic out. There would be no program if we did! There are a few guys in the mix who have gone on to do deeply bad things, and I don't mean to seem like I'm making excuses for their behavior, particularly in how those actions had consequences for their careers. I've tried to make note of it where possible, but something to keep in mind, particularly those triggered by topics like addiction or abuse. Hollywood...is a dark place!

Breakfast, Lunch, and [REDACTED] Dinner: The Colin Farrell Redemption Story

Colin Farrell stuns hunts Tom Cruise in Steven Spielberg’s Minority Report (2002)

Way back in March 2021, in the earliest days of this spreadsheet, we launched one of our first Actor Showcases, which was deeply important to me: Irish actor Colin Farrell, long before his monumental 2022 (last year, he starred in four well-regarded features, The Batman, After Yang, Thirteen Lives and the Oscar-nominated The Banshees of Inisherin). Back in early 2021, the newsletter didn't really have a set format, so here's all I had to say about poor Colin at the time: The evolving roles and facial hair of the extremely underrated Colin Farrell, whose movie star good looks often obscure how talented he is as an actor, and the considerable filmography he's amassed over the course of his weird career. That's...not enough! It felt only right to revive the program in light of the imminent Academy Awards, which are, this year, finally recognizing the actor with his first nomination after years of neglect. Some Of Us (clearly) have been carrying the torch for Colin Farrell from his earliest days as a hunky Irish heartthrob, when he caught strays in Chris Rock's infamous 2005 "If you can't get a star" Oscar monologue, covered here before, in which the to-be-slapped comedian notes: "If you can't get Russell Crowe, and all you can get is Colin Farrell...wait. It's not the same thing! Alexander's not Gladiator." Which is particularly funny in retrospect, considering that Colin Farrell is currently an Oscar front-runner and Russell Crowe is currently starring in The Pope's Exorcist (which I will be seeing, don't get me wrong!). Unlike Jude Law, there was no one there that night to defend poor Colin's honor. As we are in the final throes of Farrell's award-season dominance, it can be difficult to remember that the talented actor used to not be taken very seriously, back when he was popular tabloid fodder and a regular walking punchline, particularly after his cinematic misfires, open struggle with addiction, and a messy personal life that includes a particularly infamous sex tape leaked at the height of his launch as a leading man. But the talent has always been there, and the talent, ultimately, won out. Time has been kind to the talented actor, who — after escaping the Hollywood Hunk Industrial Complex and finding sobriety — has been able to continuously work in a myriad of interesting projects, offering up an appealing onscreen blend of bluster and raw vulnerability — and in certain performances, such as his masterful turn in Yorgos Lanthimos' The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017), he subverts our expectations entirely...to striking effect. We love Colin Farrell around these parts: there's only one leading man who has openly admitted to having an emotional affair with Elizabeth Taylor towards the end of her life (never forget). And, per a recent boots on the ground report from Friend of the Spread Nicole, who accidentally sat down next to him at a bar, he genuinely does seem like a nice guy, who treats people around him decently. Will he take home the golden statuette on March 12th, unlocking the ultimate redemption arc for an actor? Maybe! Irish eyes are smiling...

You Can Walk Right By Him and Never Know He's There: John C. Reilly, Triple Threat

John C. Reilly, Paul Thomas Anderson’s lesser-discussed muse, stars in Hard Eight (1996)